Fall Backs

I want to look at when we have setbacks in our recovery and healing. I am currently going through one right now. Yesterday, I literally could not get out of bed and it was the busiest day of classes in my week. I slept till like 3:30 and then when Kendrick got me out of bed, I moved so slowly. He got me to go to the gym, and I couldn't even lift the 15lbs weights so I just walked on the treadmill. I keep thinking"I thought I was getting better but now I feel like this". I was so down on myself and couldn't understand why this was happening and what caused it. I was doing so well and then just randomly had anxiety and then the next day I couldn't get out of bed. Now it started to make me doubt my recovery I have been making and the product I have been taking. Wanna guess what got me out of bed today? Wanna know why I am not just wallowing around? ME!! I am not letting it take my whole week! I am not letting it make me believe that the last three months were fake happiness and feelings of health. I am not letting it take the confidence and health I have built. So what else am I doing? Good question! I reached out to the people around me. Kendrick reminded me that others taking the same product, had the same thing happen around the 3-month mark as well. He told me that it was basically my body detoxing all the bad stuff that was in my body.
Its now a couple days later and I think the detoxing that was happening was is some of my past! I have seen several things that used to flash across my mind, they don't really. Last night, I had very good dreams. I didn't want to wake up because I finally had good dreams. I also don't fret over things that I did literally did 5 months ago. Kendrick is leaving today for Thanksgiving break and because of classes I cannot go with him. 6 months ago, this caused a ton of turmoil and anger on my part because he was leaving me behind but now, I am confident in our relationship, myself and that I know he will come back to me. I love Kendrick with all my heart and this time, I am able to let him go without fear. I am not saying that 6 months ago I didn't trust him and now I do. NO! I am saying that now I have let go of the past and different things that caused me to fear when he would go out of town! I am so relieved for my ability to let things go! I love this ability of resilience that I can bounce back from bad times and move on.
There are some really good things that have been going on in my life as well. I tried on my first wedding dress on Monday! It was crazy to try on a dress. I literally had a WHITE dress to get MARRIED IN!!!! That's incredible! Oh man! I am close to getting married to the man of my dreams. Ok not of my dreams because let's all be honest, he is even more amazing than my dreams could have made up! He is so incredible! Oh man, I love him! No friends. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED YET!!! I am pre-planning because I want to make sure I don't go crazy and get so stressed and start crying and have a breakdown! SO anyways YA!!!

ANYWAYS!!! I would say that things are entirely better than they were! I know that my life is entirely in a better place and state of mind! I have an incredible man, a lovely education underway, the cutest dog you ever have seen, and amazing roommates. I couldn't be more grateful for the life I am living! I am thrilled beyond belief for where I am! 2018 is going to be a year to be reckoned with but will have a big competitor will be 2019!!! I can't wait! I hope you are on the edge of your seat like I am!!

Dating a person with depression and anxiety: From our perspective

Dating a person that suffers with depression and anxiety can be hard. I know it is! There are some things you can't fix and that has got to be highly frustrating and I say that because it is highly frustrating for the person with the "problems". There are several things that you can do, however, that can help tremendously and help. First off, you just have to be supportive. That sounds so small, but it is such a big thing that can change things dramatically. The support that is needed in is so many different situations such as: Anxiety attacks, down days, outbursts, good days. As you can see, we need support always. Being in a relationship can be a little demanding. There is also the need to be patient. There are going to be times that their anxiety is so inconvenient and so irrational that you just want to yell but DON'T! Patience with them is so extremely helpful to facilitate a calmer atmosphere, an easier time coming down, and more comfort in the relationship along with being able to facilitate an environment that the other can begin to heal. Also, during an anxiety attack someone just need to hold the other and say nice things. Say that its all going be ok. Say that you still love them. Say that you are there. Say that they can get through it. Remind them to breath. These are all helpful things. Don't walk away. Don't leave them alone even if they ask you too. Don't get mad, it really isn’t their fault. There are times that I have anxiety and attacks that nothing triggered it and I control it.  Another big thing that people need is someone to validate their feelings and tell them that it is ok to feel the way they do. A lot of times I feel so stupid for feeling the way I do. I feel things FAR more deeply than most others do and something that i heard so much growing up was that the feelings that I had were blown out of proportion and they weren't as important as they felt to me. This really made things worse because i then felt that I was just over exaggerating and I was completely dumb. that’s not true at all. Even if you don't fully understand, try and validate

There is an abundance of things to not do compared to what you can do. Honestly, other than being there for the person and validating their feelings a HUGE thing you can do to help is NOT do these things or things like this. 1. Don't say "Why are you freaking out right now" 2. Don't leave them 3. Don’t say they are ruining the day 4. don't ask a ton of questions 5. Don't not say anything 6. don't get mad or irritated 7. don't just sit there 8. don't immediately try to talk, let them cool down 8. don't get upset with yourself, its not your fault. 9. don't rush the situation 10. Don't say that there are plans to be at 11. Don’t say that you "can't do this right now" 12. don't act like other things are more important 13. Don't say that the thing that triggered isn't that big of a deal 14. Don't repeat that they need to do the healing and getting better for themselves. Sometimes we need to have someone we are getting better for because we don't care about ourselves. We will get there but let us use you as our excuse for a while. Then doing it for ourselves will come naturally. We also just could be using you as motivation ot using you as an outlet or facilitator or whatever. It makes it seem like you don't want to help and it makes us drawn inside of ourselves. 

I know some of these can be extremely difficult to not do. it is going to take a lot of effort and practice. This is going to take you working at it but it all depends on how much you really want to help the other person. 

Also, I reccomend having a conversation, when the person is in a good place, of what can actually help the person. 

To the people needing the support and help, be open and honest witht he person trying to help and please LET THEM HELP YOU!!!

  

How you can help someone with Depression and Anxiety

People with mental health issues or depression and anxiety usually have people around them that love them and care about them. These people around them are essential to their health and honestly survival. When someone with depression and anxiety feels alone, they could then end up feeling like if they died no one would care or be affected. This is a very difficult thing for people to wrap their head around. Sometimes people need someone else to live for while they learn how to live for themselves. These people can be hard to love as well because they push people away. They say they want to be alone. All they are thinking is that they need to protect you from them and it would be easier and better for you if your life was without them. Although this makes them alone even more, they aren't affecting other people's lives and hindering them. The worst feeling is when you ruin plans, a happy day, or someone else's day because of a depressive episode or an anxiety attack. I have done this so many times. I have ruined my own day, and others days. When I feel good and normal, I am a happy, outgoing, talkative person. When my anxiety shows up, it makes me close up, be quiet and tense up. I am very unapproachable when I get like this. A lot of times I feel as if no one wants to be around me. I apologize often for these times and I feel so guilty for them. With my boyfriend, there have been times that we plan on doing something super fun together with or without others and I have either freaked out or had an anxiety attack or both. These times are so very hard and I know for the person with me it is super hard as well. When I get like this, sometimes I walk away to not affect anyone but what I really need is someone to stop me and tell me they aren't going anywhere and they want to help and be by my side. What I need is someone to hold me and tell me it's all going to be ok. I need them to let me cry it out for a little and then talk to me. I need to feel important and not like a burden. I need to be told that and shown that someone cares. Sometimes I need to let it all out and just cry, but not be alone. Then when I calm down, I need someone there. When I have anxiety attacks, I need to be squeezed and be reminded to breathe.  The most important thing when someone you know and love has anxiety is to not leave them when they aren't ok. They NEED you! When things are good, you can ask them specifically what you can do for them. At the start, they may not know exactly what they need. Just hold them and be there. Having someone that listens is such an important part of being able to handle everything. BEing a

Moving forward

There has been a lot going on the past few weeks. I just finished the second week of the term and it was crazy. I am still working to get a good schedule and get my homework down. There is a lot of reading and little assignments that are easy to forget. The first week Kendrick, my boyfriend, wasn't here and I really expected to have multiple anxiety attacks and to cry pretty much every day, but I didn't. It was the greatest thing! The reason I was able to survive some really hard times is that I was introduced to a holistic (natural) product that helps with mental health. It is an amazing product that has a focus on mental health. There are so many people in this world that struggle with mental health issues and everyone suffers some sort of depression or anxiety. My boyfriend is taking the fundamentals (the basic product of the company) and he does not have any major mental health problems but he knows that he could still use the health benefits and the help for his gut-brain axis. Now you are probably asking, "what the heck is the gut-brain axis?" Well, I am so glad you asked!!! The Gut-Brain axis, in simple terms, is the connection of between your brain and gut. "so how does the gut and brain connect besides being in the same body?" Wow! You are asking the best questions! Let me tell you! You gut have millions of microbiomes that release a lot of the important hormones that make you feel good, Serotonin and Dopamine. These hormones are essential to our mental health.  When our gut is unhealthy, we unable to produce and release these hormones. So since taking this product, I am able to handle more stressful situations, be calmer in high emotion situations, and I don't jump to suicide as my only option. I am able to function more.
Now, this doesn't mean that I don't have bad or down days, things get rough, and I still react quite largely with my feelings. I am not 100% better. I am not saying that this is the product that fixes all. No.  But it is allowing me to work on things I couldn't even touch on before. I am able to battle demons that used to be overwhelming for me to even think about. I now can think about past events that normally would bring me an anxiety attack. Although I feel my anxiety and my heart races, it isn't as debilitating as it was before. I think that growing up I was not able to cope with certain things that created a negative foundation for the hard things that I experienced later. I am so happy that I found this product. I never thought I would be able to fight these wars and win.

This is my own personal experience. If you have found other things that help, please do share. Please don't hold back comments and questions!

My Story Summarized a Bit

I am a college student. I am in the middle of my junior year and my 4th term here at the university. You would think that I would be used to being here on my own and be able to juggle school/ homework, a social life, and my mental health with no problem but I have news, I am not that good at it. Four years ago I started my first-year college. At the end of that year, my whole life fell apart. I went home, I got a job, and took a term off. I went back to school but at a local community college in January. I struggled through the first term but made it by the skin of my chinny chin chin. Then the fall term came around, I thought I had gotten control of my emotions but I found out, quite suddenly, that I was not in control of them at all. I fell apart again and my emotions blew up like a volcano. They continued to just spew out and I created damage all around me to the people I loved. I ended up having to withdraw from all my classes because I couldn't understand the content, I couldn't focus in class, and I felt completely stupid.  This made me feel so inadequate and unintelligent. I told myself that I couldn't do school and I would never go back. After that, I went through a really hard and heartbreaking break up. I had finally hit rock bottom. I had no idea I could get any lower until then. Just before the breakup, I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder along with Major Depression and Anxiety. This diagnosis answered so many questions for me as to why I was feeling the way I did but it also brought a lot of insecurity and anxiety. Now that I had a diagnosis, I had two decisions: either I could just suffer with it or I could get working and start the therapy involved with getting better and managing my symptoms. Neither of these would be easy. There were, and still are, many times that I have wanted to give up. After this, I got the opportunity to visit friends at their university. While I was there, I met so many people and felt so much love and care from them. These people opened up to me about their faith and belief in Jesus Christ. They taught me about Jesus, the love of Heavenly Father, the atonement of Jesus Christ, and the different principles of their faith. I felt so warm and loved and that first night after hearing about all this, I prayed. This was the first time in years that I prayed. I felt a burning in my heart that I couldn't deny was the love of Heavenly Father. As I met more people, they all shared with me about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, then one guy, let's call him Oliver, told me a phrase that changed my entire perspective and made me feel like I mattered. He said, "YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD". This hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never heard something so strong and powerful. I meant something because I am a CHILD of an almighty being who loves me. I am not some random clump of particles that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I matter to HIM. This changed my entire perspective of myself and the people around me. This changed my life. I fell in love with the place I was in. I immediately applied to the university and met with someone on campus. Now here I am, up at that same university. I have already done a year up here and am starting my second. Absolutely none of it was easy. I have struggled the whole time and have fallen and wanted to give up countless times. There were periods where I had no one to help me up here and I was calling my mom every single day, two times a day to cry and tell her how hard it was. I still struggle like crazy and think of quitting but I keep getting back of and pushing forward. I am always looking for new ways to get better and help myself. I am in a loving relationship with the Man of my Dreams and we struggle with a lot of things that have to do with my mental health but he supports me every day. Every day brings struggles but I will not give up!

Hello

Hello friends,
I've decided to share my story with the world about what my journey has been like with the different mental health issues and diagnosis that I have. My goal is to share the different symptoms and events that happened in my life, so I can relate to others and let them know that they aren't alone. Also, I want to share any remedies that I find so I can help others feel good as well. In the last 4 years, I have been to hell and back with my depression and anxiety. I know that other people have different stories and lives and have gone through far more painful and traumatic experiences but I think that we all have similarities and can benefit from one another. A year and a half ago when I was first diagnosed and felt that the whole world was against me with no one that really understood what I was going through, it was extremely helpful and validating that I was able to see that others in the world had alike feelings and emotions. Not feeling like the only person was so helpful i being able to accept my diagnosis and begin the slow healing process I had in front of me. No, I am not done healing. No, I do not have it all figured out nor do I think that I will completely be done getting over it and be without my symptoms. So please enjoy my blog, comment if you desire, and know you aren't alone in this hard life that is depression, anxiety, and mental/ mood disorders.

DISCLAIMER: I am no expert in any of the topics that I talk about. I am only speaking of my personal experiences and different things I have researched or heard.