Dating a person that suffers with depression and anxiety can be hard. I know it is! There are some things you can't fix and that has got to be highly frustrating and I say that because it is highly frustrating for the person with the "problems". There are several things that you can do, however, that can help tremendously and help. First off, you just have to be supportive. That sounds so small, but it is such a big thing that can change things dramatically. The support that is needed in is so many different situations such as: Anxiety attacks, down days, outbursts, good days. As you can see, we need support always. Being in a relationship can be a little demanding. There is also the need to be patient. There are going to be times that their anxiety is so inconvenient and so irrational that you just want to yell but DON'T! Patience with them is so extremely helpful to facilitate a calmer atmosphere, an easier time coming down, and more comfort in the relationship along with being able to facilitate an environment that the other can begin to heal. Also, during an anxiety attack someone just need to hold the other and say nice things. Say that its all going be ok. Say that you still love them. Say that you are there. Say that they can get through it. Remind them to breath. These are all helpful things. Don't walk away. Don't leave them alone even if they ask you too. Don't get mad, it really isn’t their fault. There are times that I have anxiety and attacks that nothing triggered it and I control it. Another big thing that people need is someone to validate their feelings and tell them that it is ok to feel the way they do. A lot of times I feel so stupid for feeling the way I do. I feel things FAR more deeply than most others do and something that i heard so much growing up was that the feelings that I had were blown out of proportion and they weren't as important as they felt to me. This really made things worse because i then felt that I was just over exaggerating and I was completely dumb. that’s not true at all. Even if you don't fully understand, try and validate
There is an abundance of things to not do compared to what you can do. Honestly, other than being there for the person and validating their feelings a HUGE thing you can do to help is NOT do these things or things like this. 1. Don't say "Why are you freaking out right now" 2. Don't leave them 3. Don’t say they are ruining the day 4. don't ask a ton of questions 5. Don't not say anything 6. don't get mad or irritated 7. don't just sit there 8. don't immediately try to talk, let them cool down 8. don't get upset with yourself, its not your fault. 9. don't rush the situation 10. Don't say that there are plans to be at 11. Don’t say that you "can't do this right now" 12. don't act like other things are more important 13. Don't say that the thing that triggered isn't that big of a deal 14. Don't repeat that they need to do the healing and getting better for themselves. Sometimes we need to have someone we are getting better for because we don't care about ourselves. We will get there but let us use you as our excuse for a while. Then doing it for ourselves will come naturally. We also just could be using you as motivation ot using you as an outlet or facilitator or whatever. It makes it seem like you don't want to help and it makes us drawn inside of ourselves.
I know some of these can be extremely difficult to not do. it is going to take a lot of effort and practice. This is going to take you working at it but it all depends on how much you really want to help the other person.
Also, I reccomend having a conversation, when the person is in a good place, of what can actually help the person.
To the people needing the support and help, be open and honest witht he person trying to help and please LET THEM HELP YOU!!!
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