Fall Backs

I want to look at when we have setbacks in our recovery and healing. I am currently going through one right now. Yesterday, I literally could not get out of bed and it was the busiest day of classes in my week. I slept till like 3:30 and then when Kendrick got me out of bed, I moved so slowly. He got me to go to the gym, and I couldn't even lift the 15lbs weights so I just walked on the treadmill. I keep thinking"I thought I was getting better but now I feel like this". I was so down on myself and couldn't understand why this was happening and what caused it. I was doing so well and then just randomly had anxiety and then the next day I couldn't get out of bed. Now it started to make me doubt my recovery I have been making and the product I have been taking. Wanna guess what got me out of bed today? Wanna know why I am not just wallowing around? ME!! I am not letting it take my whole week! I am not letting it make me believe that the last three months were fake happiness and feelings of health. I am not letting it take the confidence and health I have built. So what else am I doing? Good question! I reached out to the people around me. Kendrick reminded me that others taking the same product, had the same thing happen around the 3-month mark as well. He told me that it was basically my body detoxing all the bad stuff that was in my body.
Its now a couple days later and I think the detoxing that was happening was is some of my past! I have seen several things that used to flash across my mind, they don't really. Last night, I had very good dreams. I didn't want to wake up because I finally had good dreams. I also don't fret over things that I did literally did 5 months ago. Kendrick is leaving today for Thanksgiving break and because of classes I cannot go with him. 6 months ago, this caused a ton of turmoil and anger on my part because he was leaving me behind but now, I am confident in our relationship, myself and that I know he will come back to me. I love Kendrick with all my heart and this time, I am able to let him go without fear. I am not saying that 6 months ago I didn't trust him and now I do. NO! I am saying that now I have let go of the past and different things that caused me to fear when he would go out of town! I am so relieved for my ability to let things go! I love this ability of resilience that I can bounce back from bad times and move on.
There are some really good things that have been going on in my life as well. I tried on my first wedding dress on Monday! It was crazy to try on a dress. I literally had a WHITE dress to get MARRIED IN!!!! That's incredible! Oh man! I am close to getting married to the man of my dreams. Ok not of my dreams because let's all be honest, he is even more amazing than my dreams could have made up! He is so incredible! Oh man, I love him! No friends. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED YET!!! I am pre-planning because I want to make sure I don't go crazy and get so stressed and start crying and have a breakdown! SO anyways YA!!!

ANYWAYS!!! I would say that things are entirely better than they were! I know that my life is entirely in a better place and state of mind! I have an incredible man, a lovely education underway, the cutest dog you ever have seen, and amazing roommates. I couldn't be more grateful for the life I am living! I am thrilled beyond belief for where I am! 2018 is going to be a year to be reckoned with but will have a big competitor will be 2019!!! I can't wait! I hope you are on the edge of your seat like I am!!

Dating a person with depression and anxiety: From our perspective

Dating a person that suffers with depression and anxiety can be hard. I know it is! There are some things you can't fix and that has got to be highly frustrating and I say that because it is highly frustrating for the person with the "problems". There are several things that you can do, however, that can help tremendously and help. First off, you just have to be supportive. That sounds so small, but it is such a big thing that can change things dramatically. The support that is needed in is so many different situations such as: Anxiety attacks, down days, outbursts, good days. As you can see, we need support always. Being in a relationship can be a little demanding. There is also the need to be patient. There are going to be times that their anxiety is so inconvenient and so irrational that you just want to yell but DON'T! Patience with them is so extremely helpful to facilitate a calmer atmosphere, an easier time coming down, and more comfort in the relationship along with being able to facilitate an environment that the other can begin to heal. Also, during an anxiety attack someone just need to hold the other and say nice things. Say that its all going be ok. Say that you still love them. Say that you are there. Say that they can get through it. Remind them to breath. These are all helpful things. Don't walk away. Don't leave them alone even if they ask you too. Don't get mad, it really isn’t their fault. There are times that I have anxiety and attacks that nothing triggered it and I control it.  Another big thing that people need is someone to validate their feelings and tell them that it is ok to feel the way they do. A lot of times I feel so stupid for feeling the way I do. I feel things FAR more deeply than most others do and something that i heard so much growing up was that the feelings that I had were blown out of proportion and they weren't as important as they felt to me. This really made things worse because i then felt that I was just over exaggerating and I was completely dumb. that’s not true at all. Even if you don't fully understand, try and validate

There is an abundance of things to not do compared to what you can do. Honestly, other than being there for the person and validating their feelings a HUGE thing you can do to help is NOT do these things or things like this. 1. Don't say "Why are you freaking out right now" 2. Don't leave them 3. Don’t say they are ruining the day 4. don't ask a ton of questions 5. Don't not say anything 6. don't get mad or irritated 7. don't just sit there 8. don't immediately try to talk, let them cool down 8. don't get upset with yourself, its not your fault. 9. don't rush the situation 10. Don't say that there are plans to be at 11. Don’t say that you "can't do this right now" 12. don't act like other things are more important 13. Don't say that the thing that triggered isn't that big of a deal 14. Don't repeat that they need to do the healing and getting better for themselves. Sometimes we need to have someone we are getting better for because we don't care about ourselves. We will get there but let us use you as our excuse for a while. Then doing it for ourselves will come naturally. We also just could be using you as motivation ot using you as an outlet or facilitator or whatever. It makes it seem like you don't want to help and it makes us drawn inside of ourselves. 

I know some of these can be extremely difficult to not do. it is going to take a lot of effort and practice. This is going to take you working at it but it all depends on how much you really want to help the other person. 

Also, I reccomend having a conversation, when the person is in a good place, of what can actually help the person. 

To the people needing the support and help, be open and honest witht he person trying to help and please LET THEM HELP YOU!!!