Fall Backs

I want to look at when we have setbacks in our recovery and healing. I am currently going through one right now. Yesterday, I literally could not get out of bed and it was the busiest day of classes in my week. I slept till like 3:30 and then when Kendrick got me out of bed, I moved so slowly. He got me to go to the gym, and I couldn't even lift the 15lbs weights so I just walked on the treadmill. I keep thinking"I thought I was getting better but now I feel like this". I was so down on myself and couldn't understand why this was happening and what caused it. I was doing so well and then just randomly had anxiety and then the next day I couldn't get out of bed. Now it started to make me doubt my recovery I have been making and the product I have been taking. Wanna guess what got me out of bed today? Wanna know why I am not just wallowing around? ME!! I am not letting it take my whole week! I am not letting it make me believe that the last three months were fake happiness and feelings of health. I am not letting it take the confidence and health I have built. So what else am I doing? Good question! I reached out to the people around me. Kendrick reminded me that others taking the same product, had the same thing happen around the 3-month mark as well. He told me that it was basically my body detoxing all the bad stuff that was in my body.
Its now a couple days later and I think the detoxing that was happening was is some of my past! I have seen several things that used to flash across my mind, they don't really. Last night, I had very good dreams. I didn't want to wake up because I finally had good dreams. I also don't fret over things that I did literally did 5 months ago. Kendrick is leaving today for Thanksgiving break and because of classes I cannot go with him. 6 months ago, this caused a ton of turmoil and anger on my part because he was leaving me behind but now, I am confident in our relationship, myself and that I know he will come back to me. I love Kendrick with all my heart and this time, I am able to let him go without fear. I am not saying that 6 months ago I didn't trust him and now I do. NO! I am saying that now I have let go of the past and different things that caused me to fear when he would go out of town! I am so relieved for my ability to let things go! I love this ability of resilience that I can bounce back from bad times and move on.
There are some really good things that have been going on in my life as well. I tried on my first wedding dress on Monday! It was crazy to try on a dress. I literally had a WHITE dress to get MARRIED IN!!!! That's incredible! Oh man! I am close to getting married to the man of my dreams. Ok not of my dreams because let's all be honest, he is even more amazing than my dreams could have made up! He is so incredible! Oh man, I love him! No friends. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED YET!!! I am pre-planning because I want to make sure I don't go crazy and get so stressed and start crying and have a breakdown! SO anyways YA!!!

ANYWAYS!!! I would say that things are entirely better than they were! I know that my life is entirely in a better place and state of mind! I have an incredible man, a lovely education underway, the cutest dog you ever have seen, and amazing roommates. I couldn't be more grateful for the life I am living! I am thrilled beyond belief for where I am! 2018 is going to be a year to be reckoned with but will have a big competitor will be 2019!!! I can't wait! I hope you are on the edge of your seat like I am!!